"Someone brought wild flowers home,
and their pungent sweetness was a trauma
and I walked naked in the house, till I threw
them into a bin with three Hail Mary’s."
Self-gratification is a lonely enterprise packed with people. It is our encounter with fantasies but starts with a conversation with our loneliness.
We are often left alone, or are merely alone. While the world celebrates together, we are left with an aching need to connect. In reaching out, we reach in; in finding purpose we find pudenda; while banishing wayward thoughts we find the wilderness of brambles.
There are ways to be, and be with, our best selves. As we explore our minds with books, or extrapolate our feelings to film characters, or discover levitation with music. But when we want everything together, bunched together with a promise of iridescent colours, where our agonies sing, where our driest lands grow moist enough for spring, when we know we have visitation rights to heaven - that’s when we choose ourselves over others.
To say it’s pleasure on tap or bliss in passing is to miss the point. The enormity of an intimate relationship with ourselves just cannot ever be undermined. For those short moments of ecstasy make us forget - however briefly - the extremity of the barrenness which invariably is the bane of our lives.
If you liked this poem, consider listening to these other poems on intimacies -
- Perils of Breakup Sex (Or Why I Can't Keep My Legs Closed For You)
- Map My Body, Lover
- Finding Souls Between Their Legs
Follow me on Instagram at @sunilgivesup.
Get in touch with me on uncutpoetrynow@gmail.com
Subscribe to my incandescent and poetic newsletter The Uncuts here - https://theuncuts.substack.com.
The details of the music used in this episode are as follows -
Dragonsong by Alexander Nakarada
Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/9301-dragonsong
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/9301-dragonsong
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Ouroboros by Alexander Nakarada
Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/9370-ouroboros
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Link: https://filmmusic.io/song/9370-ouroboros
License: https://filmmusic.io/standard-license
Version: 20240731
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